I'm not sure why, I think I'm getting "angrier" these days. As I get older, I'm supposed to calm down some, to take time to smell the roses, so to speak. But somehow I feel that I'm running out of time, with so much left to be done which I have wanted to achieve, that somehow I seem to be getting more impatient.
I have not realized this budding trend until the other night, when I was upset with something rather trivial. A short while later, my son came to my room, gave me a hug, and told me to "calm down, mom; you'll be happier." And I got this counseling from my pre-teen son! It's a jolt to me back to reality.
The upside of it though, is that, I get over something fairly quickly. I don't like to linger on negative feelings, or play what-ifs in my head. In other words, I move on swiftly.
The downside is that, while I'm in the zone, I'm affecting people around me, in particular, my kids. They do know and understand me, and I (almost) always apologize afterwards for outbursts, particularly when my outbursts don't concern them. While I'm still angry, I'll walk off, and they'll let me be. After a short while, we'll get together to talk things over.
My daughter has given me a list - a reminder of sorts - on my smartphone. Four things: watch my temper, stop swearing, be nice in general, and be more understanding. I've promised her I'll be more self-conscious of it. Now they're making money off of me, lots of it, since I promise to pay them $20 every time I swear (and I seem to swear a lot while I'm driving, road rage, probably, or general impatience/intolerance for idiotic/clueless drivers on the road).
I'm thinking, I need to sleep earlier too.
So many things to do; so little time.
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