On romantic moments in life...

Last night, I watched the movie, Before Sunset (2004). I didn't read any reviews prior to that. I just happened to casually pick up this DVD at the library with my kids. In fact, I think I might have borrowed the first movie, Before Sunrise (1995), from the library once before, but it didn't look compelling enough to me, and I returned the DVD without even watching it. Last night was slow, and I've got nothing better to do. The DVD happened to me on the table, so I watched it. And then, I realized that there was supposed to be a previous movie before the Before Sunset. Silly me. :)

Then again, why should I care? The movie was light. The premise was simple. Camera work feels like they probably just did a few takes to finish the whole movie. The whole movie hinges on the chemistry of the two leads. Without that, there would not have been a movie, what with all the conversations, and audience was supposed to feel the present moments, and connect to the characters, their lives, their treasured moments nine years past. You get the idea.

I suppose, if I have been in my teens or even 20s, I'd probably be much charmed by the movie. The idea is so romantic. Two strangers in a beautiful, foreign city. Instant chemistry, and sparks fly. That one memorable night transcends their lives. All the what-have-been, should-have-been romantic love-of-our-life. Instead, they settle with the second best, dull boring adult life, much like everybody else. Nine years on, they met again. What could/should happen? Should they do something to take the moments in their own hands? Should they go back to their lives, and let the dream live on?

I always wonder: What would have been more romantic? The ending of Before Sunset suggests that they're going to seize the moment, and decide to not letting the regrets of the past nine years continue to haunt their lives. The movie wants us to believe that it's a happy ending, because they have chemistry nine years ago, they still have the chemistry nine years on, so we should safely assume that they should be able to keep that chemistry alive for the next 60 years, maybe; assuming they'll grow old together....you know, live the boring adult life like everybody else does, only with a different person this time around.

Truth be told, I felt happy about the ending. It's what lighthearted movies are supposed to make you feel, right? But right when I put the DVD back in its jacket, I know I've been kidding myself.

The true romance, the longest lasting romance, are the ones that we have lived and re-lived in our memory. Because we, as humans, tend to remember only the good things, and filter out the bad things. We tend to remember to tender loving moments, rather than the fights, however trivial they might be. We tend to remember the longing and laughs, rather than angst. To me, that platonic love that lives only in our dreams is the most romantic one there is.

I know, because that's increasingly how I feel, about my husband, and the could-have-been's with some of my ex's. I don't tend to drill much on the ex's. Afterall, we have the present life to live. My husband and I have gone through alot together to be together before we got married too; hence, it's not like I have never loved my husband. But as most everyone who's settled in marriage life, the settled life can get monotonous and even boring. Do I mind it? I don't think so. Somewhere along these 13 years, I've lost that lover's feeling. But I've come to accept it to be so.

I do wonder out loud sometimes, of why would I enjoy my kids' company more than my husband's these days. And, why would I sometimes long for the forbidden love with my ex that was long gone since. Of course, I know those were just a dream. Of course, I know I should not take anything for granted, and should treasure all that I have in life now, rather than go chasing a dream. I know, for a fact, that I'm quite done with chasing romantic dreams. I'm quite happy with just brain-f**k. Honestly, and literally.

Maybe herein lies the issue in my present predicament, which is that, I don't long for the physical connections anymore. Oh, isn't that was what those studies were all about - explaining why wives don't want sex anymore, leaving their husband sex-deprived?

It's grunge work, day-in day-out, reminding ourselves every day, that we have to work at it, to make a relationship work; that we have to look at not just the things that annoy, but the things that make us laugh too. I'm past that seven-year-itch thing, now that we're married for some 13 years now. I don't think I'm capable of extra-marital affairs. It could probably be fun, but I know it's wrong. There's certain comfort factor, knowing the exact daily pattern of married life. On the other hand, sometimes I do miss that electric moments that come with romantic love, even though I've come to accept it that, they should be left to the young to experience. (I probably have more than my fair share of that when I was younger, already.)

Coming back to that movie, I don't consider the ending as a happy one, in hindsight. If the two leads would revive their romantic love, and continue to nurture in their dreams, while going separate ways to their own lives, that forbidden love would have been so much more satisfying, even though it's not "happy," in the eyes of Hollywood movies. A forbidden love ending would probably be more befitting for a British movie (with a more emotionally repressed audience). For Hollywood movies, that would rarely do. Pity.