There's a very well-established conventional wisdom, that the "princess phase," as it's called, is part of the inevitable developmental phase of all little girls. It's understood that little girls, from 3 to tweens, will cling to the "princess phase" and all things pink, as an almost self-evident, reinforcing their own identity as a girl. No one seems to dispute that notion, whether you like it or not.
It's only today, during my short visit with my aging parents, when I was talking to my mother about everything that is conventional wisdom. When I was young, I was told that it's conventional wisdom that most women would experience abdominal pain during menstrual period; I was told that it would go away when I get married (no true); I was then told it would go away when I get pregnant (not sure). My menstrual pain can become so intense that, for the first couple of days, I would curl up in bed, popping painkillers every few hours to control the cramps. I was told that it's normal. It's only until I found out from cat-scan that I have a sizable cyst in my ovary, and only after the cyst is removed, when my period cramps go away - completely. And, there goes my respect for everything that is conventional wisdom, because there can be so much misconception, false truth, and outright lies in it.
And so, when I look at the so-called princess phase and the conventional wisdom that all girls have to go through it, then move onto American Girl and Bratz dolls, with a very critical eye. I look at it from the development of my own daughter.
She's almost 9 now, so it's a high time to take a look back at how she has fared, in this "unavoidable" princess phase. She has experienced that urge for everything pink (and purple) for, maybe, less than 6 months in total, when she was about 4. That year, she asked for a princess Halloween costume. I see all these as rather harmless, so I let her be. Honestly, I think she asks for all these pink and princess stuffs, not really out of her own liking, but mostly it's because most of her friends and classmates have or want them. It's more peer pressure than anything else.
And then, without any warning, she declares to me she doesn't like pink or purple anymore, before she turns 5. That's about the time when she learns her real independence, really even long chapter books (and all seven Harry Potter books) all by herself. Perhaps it could also be attributed to the fact that, being her mother, I'm not a very girly-girl type of person. I remember she uses to ask me what colors I like, and I tell her, I like dark colors - black, navy blue, dark green, brown, and so on. Not that I dislike light or bring colors - in fact, I like white alot - but I prefer darker colors. And I like men's and military style clothings. Around the same time, my husband starts teaching her martial arts (much at around the same age when he starts teaching our son martial arts). She uses to ask me what it means by "sexy," because she hears someone talking about it. We explains to her the best we can, without the discussions of the topic of sex itself (since she would not be able to comprehend that at the age of 5 and its implications). So now, she attributes all those girly-girl talks, clothing, and all, as silly stuffs. Not that she dislikes all things feminine. Much as I have advocated to her, it's more important to hear something comfortable than inappropriate (eg. too little clothes; exposing body parts; etc). She has come to appreciate and love wearing cargo pants (the hand-me-downs from her bigger brother) than skinny jeans. I think she looks much smarter in the cargo pants than skinny ones.
Albeit what the media and commercial corporations have advocated, I do think that girls look to have skipped this princess phase much earlier than the conventional wisdom would have us believed otherwise. Even my daughter's friends and classmates have started to claim the mantle that they are tom-boy (!!!). But of course, my daughter would come home and tell me, saying with pride, no less, that so-and-so says she's tom-boy, but she dosn't think so, since so-and-so is still wearing pink and girly clothes. What I haven't been sure of, is whether my daughter has been spreading the trend and leading the pack, to let everyone knows that, it's cool to look tom-boy too, or whether it's a general trend among girls her age.
To tell the truth, I think how young girls perceive themselves and the world are, in large parts, shaped by the belief and value systems of their parents. If their parents push the conventional wisdom on them, buying everything pink and purple for them, if their mothers are themselves silly girls who can't go out without make-up on, then it's likely that their daughters would go through the same value systems and footstep. Bottomline is, I do not believe that this "princess phase" is at all an unavoidable phase that all young girls have to go through. Afterall, I myself am one case in point, because I never went through that, and I grow up just fine. :)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
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2 comments:
true. My daughter had a purple phase around age 4 and since then only red or blue or green or other colours as long as they're not pink will do.
She plays soccer with the boys and runs and wears boys shoes, but also likes to dress up and be pretty some times - as long as it doesn't involve pink.
Yesterday she told me that 2 boys in her class had a crush on her.
I said "crush" wow, that's a big word for 9 year olds to be using, did she know what it all meant!
It's funny how you mention it, since your daughter and mine look to have gone through very similar stages around similar ages.
They probably know what "crush" is. My daughter is 8 now. The other day, she let me in on her little secret, that she "fancy" a boy in my son's class (2 grades above her). I did ask her what she means by "fancy," and she quite accurately describes it. I don't think the boy knows, since the boys look to mature much slower than girls even a few years younger. That boy is my son's soccer buddy; at their age of 10, they're still all focused on finessing their soccer skills. (Both of them are really into soccer, though alot of their friends have moved onto other sports.)
I do think having girls playing some kind of sports help them reinforce their self-image and ego. And kids their age forgets so fast. Less than two months after she told me about her little secret, she's already forgotten about it. I was asking her how that's going, and she goes, "Oh - that? I'm over it already!" It's funny. :)
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