On FOMO, early retirement, et al...

The other day I have a sit-down with a financial adviser. Not that I need it, but I'd like a second pair of eyeballs to assess my state of affairs, financially speaking. I've always handled my own financial matters, and it's been going quite well, I have to say. Perhaps I just want to show someone and have it validated that, "yes sir, you're doing well and have nothing to worry about." Well, I did get that; as a matter of fact, I seem to know more about financial matters in different areas (thanks to years of self-research) than this experienced financial adviser. I don't mean to come across as gloating about it, but yes, I'd rather handle my own affairs than to pay someone to handle things for me (that I could have handled it better myself).

There is actually another reason for my reticence in opening up my affairs to others. I'm an extremely private person, and I hate having to disclose anything to anyone, if I can help it. In fact, if it is not that I don't want to handle the hassle of filing tax returns, I wouldn't even have used tax accountant to do that for me, for a fee. (I could never understand those self-professed gurus who write self-help books or go on speakers circuit to help others gaining financial independence. Afterall if they are doing really so well, they wouldn't be working for a fees.) I know too how easy it is for private personal details to be compromised when they are stored on some servers in a single location, and I would not want to find myself in a compromising position.

The funny thing is, as I recount to this financial adviser my financial details, income streams, expenses, portfolio structure, estate planning, tax matters, insurance coverage etc, I've come to one realization: Why am I still working? Good question...

I have a rather decent portfolio that spreads across real estates, stocks+bonds, and some commodities (for good measures), mixed between long term obligations (mostly in the form of mortgages) and short term liquid buffers, all of which can comfortably fund themselves, and I can live off of the proceeds, allowing the portfolio to continue growing. For most people out there, such state of affairs would have been a milestone for early retirement. Why am I not retired yet?

And then I realize this: I'm quite a basket case of FOMO. No, I don't mean FOMO in the sense of social media. (And nay, I don't do social media, I hate social media, what with all the white noise and chafe, and mostly a waste of time.) It is that I want to stay in the workforce, I want to be still in this growing field in technology where new things and wonders can still happen. I want a front-row seat to that. Of course, it helps that there is also inherent job security (with the generous healthcare coverage, ESPP and stock options, continuing IRA matching contributions from employers and my adding to the IRA too, and the paychecks that sometimes feel like playing a game of monopoly).

While my financial situation looks secure, I'm not in the league of VC's or angels investors that allows most of these clueless dicks their front-row seats in funding startups without knowing much, if at all, of the underlying technology. (That's why you're seeing so many me-too copycats, wannabes that get ample funding for no obvious good reasons, other than that these VC's are chasing after the same thing. In a few words: herd mentality.) So, I continue to stay on the other side of the table, being the ones who are working the technology, rather than funding someone else to get their hands dirty.

I know if I retire and quit the workforce, I would never be able to get back in. Such is the nature of stepping off the radar, particularly in the tech field. It has more to do with the psychology of FOMO than financial needs. I know that some day when I stop having the need to get my hands dirty (in codes), I'll quit for good. I'm not even sure if I'll be content with just being the one providing fundings to some startups (even if it turns out to be wild success). Money, to me, is not the main motivation.

There is another aspect of it. If I stop working, I'll need to find some other gainful activities to make productive use of my time. The trouble is, I don't have much time for any hobby or passion outside of work yet. Hence, my first order of business, is to find something that I'd like to do, if I am to stop working and truly retire early. Passion, you see, is not something that is easily nurtured. I don't like cruise, I've lost interests in travel, I don't need to hover over my kids' every needs. I do want to do charity work but I'm not a social-worker type. I do want to go back to painting and watercolors someday, my backyard is still patiently waiting for me to give it the much deserved facelift and green thumb. I alternate every other day from I-need-to-do-something-about-it to I-don't-want-to-hear-any-more-of it when I hear news of stupid politics. I'm not sure how sustainable that level of interest would be. Maybe I'm over-analyzing what my passion should be.

And so, I continue to toll the job. Some days I derive enjoyment from the work, some days it just feels like a grind particularly when there are unpleasantness from some colleagues who act like a dick. Days like those, I would tell myself, I can walk away from it all without looking back, and I'll be fine. I don't have to chain myself to this bullshit.

I'm still waiting for that day to happen. When I get pissed off enough one day, or maybe I feel mentally exhausted, I would just walk away. That would be a milestone for me when I enjoy saying adios to it all.