On difficult childbirth and fistula...

I read with dread, the New York Times article on the poor women in Tanzania who suffer fistula after difficult childbirth. No doubt, the suffering goes to poor women alike in other undeveloped countries in Africa and Asia. I feel for them.

The childbirth of my son (the first childbirth of mine) has been difficult enough. It's 13 hours of hard labor. My water broke right before midnight. My husband and mother walked me to the hospital (we're within walking distance), and they stayed with me throughout the whole process. At the time, my mom didn't mention to me that, if water breaks, it could mean a much more difficult/painful childbirth. She didn't want to worry me. I had a few hours of sleep, and woke at 4am in the room, my husband and mom napping in the rocking chairs. A nurse came in to check up on me. I could feel some pain already, and this nurse (a Philipino nurse) told me, the pain later shouldn't be too much more than you're feeling now. I thought to myself, that's not too bad, since it's just somewhat a bit worse than PMS.

But the nurse lied. The intense pain started at around 7am. By that time, it's too late (and dangerous for the baby) to add painkiller in the drip, and it's way too late for epidural (since I was shaking all over and wouldn't be able to hold myself still for the epidural to go to my spine). Towards the end, the pain came every 30-45 seconds, and I still can't find words to describe the kind of pain that went through me. And so it went, until hours later, and my son arrived. I was completely exhausted (with the hard laboring and nothing in my stomach for close to 24 hours), and didn't even have strength to hold the baby.

I remember I said to myself, I'm going to cut my hair short since I don't want the hair to stick on my face and neck with the sweat. And I know, if I can endure such pain, I can do alot more things that I didn't know I could do.

But at least C-section was always a standby option for me, when I was staying with one of the best hospitals in the country. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it would have been, for those poor women who suffered hard laboring for days that killed their babies and left them with fistula, wounded and incontinent.

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After my son was born, my mom told me stories about childbirth in the olden days in China. It's a gamble with life (and death), since childbirth was one major reason women was killed, and difficult childbirth almost certainly kills. While my husband was holding my hand, helping me with whatever ways he could (eg. giving me ice cubes in between my hard laboring), my mom watched helplessly on the rocking chair. She has a heart problem and high blood pressure, and was so worried about watching my childbirth that she thought she's going to collapse any minute.

When I was preparing for the second childbirth of my daughter, I had my hair cut short, and I had epidural. The experiences between the first and second childbirth couldn't have been more different.

Some women (particularly those in this country - US) have this romantic notion that they don't want painkillers or any modern medicine, and that they would scold at anyone who wouldn't breastfeed their babies. To those, I can only say, it's all BS. While it's true that a difficult childbirth would toughen a woman up. (It's quite true that a mother can do anything, after a difficult childbirth.) But if I were to have another baby, I don't think I'd choose the difficult path again.