On the coming out of Elizabeth Edwards to her husband's affair...

I used to be very stubborn, pretty self-centered (as any teenagers would be), and head-strong. But as I age, I have come to understand compromises a bit more.

I remember way back when, when I was much younger and way before I got married, my friends were chitchatting about marriage and infidelity. I remember declaring to my friends that I definitely would not tolerate infidelity, and I would seek divorce rightaway, should I find out my spouse is cheating on me.

I don't think I have change that stance after I got married. Perhaps even with the union of a marriage, we are still two separate persons. Now that we've had kids, it really has complicated the situation and clouded that question, leaving no easy and black-and-white answer.

If there's no kids involved, a divorce is fairly clear-cut. We walk out, and we move on. We're adults afterall. But kids are part of both of us (my husband and I), and they need us. It would not have been fair to them if the decisions of parents to separate would impact them forever. I understand, because at some points past after some fights, I'd once (or twice) considered that possibility of leaving my husband. But my kids make me stay. And my husband makes effort to change himself as well. I guess my husband and I more alike than we would have thought or admit. Things have been going well for a long time now, and the kids are happy, having happy parents at home.

What would it have been like, had I walked out? Unlike most teenage single mothers, I don't think I'll remarry. I have too much worry of how stepfathers might be like to my kids. And I can take care of my kids while telecommuting for work. So, I don't worry as much about the welfare of my kids. Undeniably, though, they need their father, a father figure and role model for them to look up to. If I had walked out, I would have denied them of that.

I guess those were burst of moments when I had considered walking out. My husband has been a very responsible and reliable husband and father, although he's more stubborn than I am, in terms of getting things right. In childrearing, it's not an exact science, and that could upset him sometimes that things do not go exactly according to plan. We have discussed this, that he has to be more flexible, without compromising on his belief and principle. I guess he's slowly finding his way.

What does this have to do with Elizabeth Edwards? I guess people either love/sympathize her, or hate her. Loving her for her courage and strength in fighting cancer and still stenuously supporting her husband in his presidential bid. It thus must be even more hurtful when John Edwards' affair was exposed in a high profile way, months after his failed presidential bid.

It's only now, that she's finally opening up to talk about the ordeal. People blog to despise her for being still in denial, for seemingly trying to find find excuses for her unfaithful husband, and for not walking out (no spine perhaps?!?). And then, there are those who implore others to cut her some slack, given her fight for life amid cancer treatment. Still, even in interviews, her only condition is that, she would not address Rielle Hunter by name.

Like Hillary Clinton before her, people expect more courage and spine to stand up for themselves. Afterall, Edwards and Clinton are both strong, successful women in their own right. But they chose to stay. No doubt the situation is not ideal. How many second-chances will you give to an unfaithful spouse? How much humilitation do you endure before you can it quit?

Most people despise Clinton and Edwards for one more reason, which is their own ambition to be a power spouse, which status will be jeopardized, should they become divorced. While you may say so with Clinton, that is not the case with Edwards (since John Edwards is a nobody now, now that his political career is pretty much dead). While this was probably among one of the factors that went through these women's minds, I have no doubts that they have their kids in mind, not unlikely what had gone through my mind when I was contemplating my own walkout.

There were crude comments on Elizabeth Edwards that somehow her husband's philandering has anything, something to do with her loss of looks. There is probably some truth in it. While I find those comments offensive, I look at the picture with dismay, of how she looks like his mother (or elder sister), even though they're similar in age, given the amount of treatment she has gone through for her illnesses. I have always held this belief that if someone loves me, he would not go for my look and my look alone, but I'm also realistic enough to understand that that's part of the appeal of the opposite sexes. Given the boyish look of John Edwards, he looks more like early 40s. Honestly, it's disgusting to me.

What would I have told my daughter, when she's coming of age, of what she should do, or what I would have done, should our spouse cheat on us? In a way, I still can't quite contemplate that. It has been easier for me not to walk out, since the fights with my husband were really over something rather trivial, which we could have worked out, in the way of adjusted attitude. But what of infidelity?

I really sympathize Elizabeth Edwards for her seemingly inability to walk out. Perhaps, to me, if my kids are grown up, I would probably walk out in no time; but if they're still young, it's more complicated. I'm still wondering what I would do in a situation like this...