On sex survey and the reality...

Yes, it's one of those times when people publish survey results about sex, this time it's about contemporary sexual behavior. I don't normally pay much attention to this kind of results, since they are mostly just silly, and nothing much. This latest one claims to find interesting shifts in contemporary Americans, after a survey of 6000 adults. (Although, no doubt, the margin of errors must be huge, given a small sample size of 6000 adults, with no inkling on how they are selected and other details like demographics. So, it's likely that it's just one of those surveys that make big claims and nothing else.)

So, this survey says it found "surprising" results about the high number of masturbation, among men, even after they're in their adulthood. I don't know who in their right mind should be surprised by that. Do other women really get offended when they find their husbands/boyfriends masturbate, even though they have an active sex life? Well, I just know that I don't.

And then there's this finding that women are faking their orgasm more often than men. The study's conclusion is that, there needs to be more communication to overcome this perceived "problem." I don't know about you, but I don't see how letting my husband know that I almost never get an orgasm in sex is going to help. It's the famous "it's not you, it's all in me" type of thing. If I can't get orgasm from normal intercourse with my partner, how is it going to help by telling him every time that he fails, when he has tried so hard to please me?

Oh, and then there's the masturbation about women, which the study breezes over without touching on much. But I can tell the surveyor that at least I can get an orgasm much easier by masturbation than by normal intercourse. And when I'm by myself, I don't have to fake it to please anyone. If I don't get it, I don't get it. That in itself is liberating.

And then, there's the surprise about condom use. Perhaps my husband is one of those new age guy, condom use is never even a question. It's one of those things that we need to use. Period. I would think, too, that we're not an anomaly in that. Many modern couples would use condom, if they have a little bit of commonsense.

Last but not least, is the subject on anal sex. The study finds it more widely practiced in bedrooms, than was previously thought. If we correlate this finding with the other result, that women fake their orgasm more often, I would imagine the sex life is getting even more torturous and painful for women than one would imagine. But would anyone be surprised that women have to fake orgasm if they're practicing anal sex more often? I don't know about you, but I can't stand anal sex. Let's be honest with ourselves, that guys do like to come from behind sometimes. Way back when, we gave anal sex a try, but it's so painful that I almost literally jumped right out of our bed. We figure out a compromise. He can come from behind, but it has to go through the normal intercourse's channel.

From what I see it, these kind of sex surveys don't do much, except garnering some attention in women/girls' magazine, in sex revelation...which is to say, it's like gazing crystal ball to see your future (more myth than reality).

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Talks on sex are never a question or topic in traditional Asian families. I remember my mother never feels comfortable touching on anything related to sex when I was growing up. It's only after I got married, that she probably thinks I'm old enough now, that she can even bring herself to dance on this subject.

About the only time(s) that my mother talks about it, was how some husbands would demand it (ie. sex) so often that it can become a torture. The Chinese word she uses to describe it was synonymous to jumping on you, or crawling all over, and some such, none of which evokes anything pleasant. I guess it's like a duty or chore for wives, even to this day.

This is not to say that sex can be such torture. My husband is a gentle person in the bedroom, even to the point of respectful gentleman, and he won't do anything that doesn't please me. It can be fun at times. But I can empathize those women whose husbands are anything less than that.