On the self-imposed deadline to achieve any dreams (or not)...

Ah, how timely. I read a column in Sydney Morning Herald about some self-imposed deadline to achieve one's dream/goal. In the case of this columnist, her self-imposed deadline is 35, after which she's content and/or resigned to the fact that her life is what it's going to be, going forward. To see the glass half-full, it's as good as it gets; as half-empty, life isn't going to what you dreamt it to be, if it hasn't happened already.

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The article is timely because the other night, my son came home with a school assignment. It is to interview a woman who inspires him. He chooses me. The first obvious question I have for him was, why do I inspire him? I could hear the clicking of his brain working, because he couldn't think of another reason, other than the obvious one that he looks up to me since he's a baby. I guess why parents are generally the role model and first inspiration for their kids, before they find something better, later on in life.

His school assignment also includes a series of questions that he uses in interviewing me, the subject. Amongs the questions, I was asked, what I have dreamt myself to be (ie. my ambition); are you happy with your life; and some such. That led me to a mini-introspection that night as I went to bed. I don't think I've been a very aggressive or ambitious person, when I was growing up. I never found a role model that motivates me enough to mirror my life goal after her/him. My motto has always been that: If someone can achieve something, it doesn't mean I can do it too; BUT if someone can't achieve something, it doesn't mean I can't achieve it either. In short, I never model my goal or path after anyone because I want to walk my own path.

Looking back, I should be mighty grateful for Providence who has provided me with all that I've ever wished for. I like to travel, and I got the chance to travel quite a bit on my own money in my 20s. I long to study aboard, and I saved up enough to go back to college after working for a couple of years and went to England (my ideal for starting an academic life). I like learning from different careers, and I changed full time jobs and have numerous part times in my 20s that allow me to learn so much for a number of industries, including finance, retail, jewelry and merchandising. Like most girls, I dream of finding love and passion, and I did, in my 20s. I can go on with it, but it would make it sound boastful. And now, I have a supportive husband and two beautiful children.

As I told my son, I'm happy with what and where I am now. Perhaps because my expectations have not been too high (in my own opinion anyways), I've been able to achieve everything that I've set out to achieve. And I'm in a career that can utilize my brain, earn a good living. And I'm able to start a second career in something else, hopefully with better control of my life (even though this chapter has just begun).

And then, this article sets me thinking. Is the notion of self-imposed (overtly or covertly) real? Would I have had the energy to still keep going, if I had not achieved all those (that I mentioned above) in my 20s? My knee-jerk response was, c'mon, one has to be more hopeful than that. But then, I stop myself mid-track, and realize that there's some truth in it. While the article says 35 is the deadline for that columnist, and this could be different for some people (say, 40, perhaps?), I do realize that I have that in the back of my mind. On retrospect, I'd say, my self-imposed limit is probably even younger than that; mine is probably 30.

At 30, it was also the year I got married.

I don't mean to say, at 30, as I got married, my pursuit to dreams end. Perhaps I'm lucky enough to have achieved all those that I've wanted to do before I turned 30. After marriage, life goals change. Family concerns come first. When babies come, life goals and focus change once more. At least in the first ten years of the baby's life, focus is not ourselves; it's total focus just on the kid. I was lucky enough too, that I was able to refocus myself as the kids get older now.

The other thing the article points out, which is also very true, is that, it's exhausting to pursue those goals and dreams and fantasy. Although those "dreams" (or goals, whatever you call it) of mine aren't very fanciful and can be quite achievable, oftentimes they came with some stroke of luck (or Providence, whatever you call it). Yes, it's exhausting, with a very high degree of anxiety.

I remember quite clearly, when I did my first career change, I said to myself (almost innocently), that I want to be an analyst in five years' time. At the time, just being able to change my career into the technical field was considered a big feat. I truly have no idea why I made that goal. I even told my sister about it. I was working my butt off, learning everything that I could, seizing on every available opportunity. It turns out, I became a senior officer in two years' time (with far higher rank in much less time). Perhaps, that's the point when I realized that I really can achieve something, if I put my mind to it. But you know, sometimes that would also mean all the stars have to align at just the right time, and I'll have to be in just the right place, before I can really get what I want. Again, Providence has delivered.

I'm not a very religious person, even though I have certain faith. But, as Steve Jobs' famous commencement speech had noted, you can't connect the dots looking forward; but looking back, everything was so clear to me that things have been lined up for me. It's as if I only need to work at it, and it'll be delivered.

I know I've been lucky, because there are so many people out there who try and try, so hard in their lives, but things still won't come out right. And there are certainly people who try harder than I am, and they still never won't get what they want. I attribute some of those to luck, or destiny, or fate, or Providence; whatever one might want to call it, because there's no other way to put it, on why one person gets so much right, and others who try just as hard, if not harder, but they might get nothing. I don't want to get too philosophical about it; otherwise, all my hair would turn grey.

And because so much of the factors are external and out of our control, there really isn't a recipe of success. There are things that we can control, like our own discipline, perseverance, optimistic outlook of life, keep a smile on your life and be grateful for what you have already, things like that. But, try hard, we must; and try the best we can. I truly believe in that.

Before I went back to college, I got together with my close circle of friends, a few of them have wanted to do the same. Unfortunately (or not), they never believe it enough, or believe in themselves strong enough that they can pull it through; hence they never even give it a try. Perhaps that's what I would consider as the cardinal sin, which is not to try-and-fail, but to not even giving it a try at all (for fear of failure).