Only recently, I went on a business trip with two colleagues, both of whom are sales type. Although we're all approaching middle age - is 40's middle age? I guess it is, so let's assume so - we have a rather different take on looking young; or rather, not looking old. I work in a technical field, and work remotely at that (think Dilbert, but a female version), so I don't have to dress up. It also helps that my husband doesn't bother much with looks. In fact, he suggests that I should just leave my grey hair alone (and no need for hair dye). My two colleagues are a bit different. The guy is a rather vanity type. Although he hasn't done so, he's seriously considering getting rid of all those grey hair with hair dye. He sees it as a necessity when he goes out to see clients. I suppose, in the high-tech world, people favor the young and the geek, and they might not want to deal with someone with too much grey hair in the sales and marketing world. The girl is not really a vanity type as the guy is, but she acknowledges the reality of it, and she is acting according to what the external world demands of it. As it is, she's using hair dye; it's not that she likes it, but she sees the necessity of it.
And so, when I look at the obituary of this author and her books, I have the initial misgivings that, by publishing books teaching women how to not look their age, she's tacitly endorsing such practice. And this is what I find irksome, because I hate to have women subject themselves to such covert straitjacket. For all that, the freedom and liberation of the womankind over the centuries will all come to naught.
But then, talking to my colleagues and the very real reality that they face, day in day out, should I be the judge and jury, and the one to cast the first stone? Perhaps the fact that I do not have to subject myself to that kind of scrutiny is extremely lucky. I do understand that there are so many people out there - not just women, but men alike - who are subject to age discrimination on a daily basis. Heck, just look at the jet-black hair of all the old men in the Chinese politburo, and one should realize how real it is, that these men cannot and will not let anyone see a single thread of hair that has any shadow or tinge that is anything other than black. Honestly, I find it sad, very sad.
I do believe that, while I cannot and should not judge others' situations, I need to set a proper example to my kids. I have to make them understand that, we have to be happy and be comfortable with what and who we are. Perhaps I've been blessed - and am extremely lucky too - that I have never been fat. In fact, I've always been so skinny and lanky that my parents have always considered me the runt of the family. No matter, after two childbirths, when my body fills out a bit, I'd admit that I'm more happy with my body than I've ever been for decades (with the exception of a little floppy in the mid-section, but I'll live with that). And so, I won't have to read books like How Not To Look Fat Again. Still, I truly believe that there's as much in the good gene as it is in the attitude to life. If we're not happy with who we are or how we look, then all bets are off. For that reason, and that reason alone, I won't be reading books like How Not To Look Old.
Speaking of how not to look old, I'm a true believer in smart-looking clothing, and that has very little to do with age. If you would ask of one person that I would endorse their style, I'd say, it's Christine Lagarde, the new IMF chief. Her style and clothing, circa 2011, reflects so well and looks so good on her, regardless of her age of mid 50s. That's why I find it bullshit, for book titles like How Not To Look Old, because being old can still look good. Lagarde's is one way to put that to rest.
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