On modern etiquette...

Does anyone really care about etiquette? Should we really care about etiquette? What are modern etiquette anyways? Do we have a modified set of etiquette or should we cling to the old?

Those are always some of the questions I have when I browse the Martha Stewart Living magazine. Not that I would spend a buck on buying a magazine like that. But it's free subscription from credit cards, so I'll get a few issues every so often and see how fussy Martha Stewart, the domestic diva, has made her mark in America household.

Sure, everyone likes a spotless, neat household, much like a baby just came out of a bath. It reminds me of Johnson&Johnson baby lotion which smell I've always loved since childhood. But how many modern women really spend days at home preparing seat markers for dinner parties, gift basket in the guest bathroom, or thank you card after a dinner? Do they do that for EVERY festival there is (Valentine's Day, Easter, July 4th barbecue, Labor Day cookout, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and oh, the summer retreat on the beach...then repeat the list again on endless loop)? Do women have better things to do that sitting around waiting for guests to come, and kids/husbands to come home?

By jove, just the thought of that makes me sick. Perhaps I've always been a city person. I've always been a working woman, now a working mom. Don't get me wrong: I like the niceties. I like those cute little things. But much as I enjoy going to weddings, than to hold my own wedding back then, I cannot fathom myself spending days on end, planning, and working through the details, for occasions.

If it's the occasions that count, can't we just get together and have a good time? Do we really need the Martha-Stewart-kind of fussy details to enjoy the occasions? I think not.

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But but, Martha Stewart does not embody modern etiquette. What Martha Stewart sells is her way to cling to the rituals more for 19th century domestic women. To me, modern etiquette is plain decency and respect to other people.

Do you talk loudly to your cell while in the train? Do you brush those dandruff off your shoulder when wearing a navy blue blazer? Do you have food tidbits left between your teeth after meals? Do you show your navel when you're not in a bikini (and no, not even the young Britney Spear, thank you)? Do you show your underwear or G-string band at your jeans' waistband?

And, what is your ringtone? Wonder why I asked this question? One time, there was this woman in mainland China on a train in a modern Chinese city, and her ringtone surely would ring a bell.... it's a rooster crowing...very loudly. Amazingly, the local Chinese don't even register this as any problem. It's the foreigners on the train who were visibly alarmed. Sometimes, thinking back, I wonder if that (the rooster) was her alarm clock back home.

That brings us to the question. Who are we to judge what etiquette should be "proper"? As that local Chinese woman and her fellow countrymen on the train obviously shows, ringtone isn't one of them, but it's certainly mine.

So it is then, that I have my set of etiquette, that local Chinese woman can have hers, but mine would have very little overlap with Martha Stewart's. So much for that, Martha.