On the question "Can a good parent kill?"...

It is always sad to read news involve child abuse and death. Reading the latest report of a 1-year-old toddler who was killed by the babysitter stirs some thoughts.

There're some facts. The toddler's mother has to work, but couldn't find childcare. So, she hires a woman to babysit the kid for five days a week. The babysitter is not a teenager like Louise Woodward. This is supposed to be a good mother who has children of her own. This is the woman who's allegedly to have put the 1-year-old in a sleeping bag, swung him, causing skull fracture when he hit the door frame. The question is, can a good parent kill? Is it an accident or an abuse?

Of course, the babysitter's argument that she's just playing rough with the toddler was not sustainable. No sensible parent will put a toddler inside a sleeping bag before swinging him. If he's put in a sleeping bag, it's likely the woman didn't want to hear him cry or scream.

So then, can a good mother kill like that? In a way, one should make some distinction. Sometimes, some parents distinguish and feel very differently between their own kids and someone else's kids. I've seen individuals who can be a loving, caring person to one kid, yet cool and aloof to another. It's basic human nature that attracts/repels each other. I would argue that a "good" mother is a rather misnomer in this case. If the woman dislikes that child to a certain breaking point, then she could have a much higher propensity to mistreat the child badly, perhaps not to the point of killing him, but certainly she can hurt the child without feeling as much pain. Perhaps if she has put him in the sleeping bag, and she can monitor his reaction during the abuse, he might still be alive today.

There is also the question of angst of having to deal with a child. Each child is different. I have more than one, and believe me, they are so different since day one. At times when a child whines and fuses, it really can raise blood pressure and elevate stress level of the caregiver. Should the caregiver be a truly loving being, s/he would not have killed. But to me, a "good mother" does not automatically equate "loving individual." You might say, that's just parsing words; but there is real difference in this.

Home based one-on-one childcare is more than a full time job. Truth be told, I don't think I can handle it myself, alone at home 12x7 (even 12x5) a week. I appreciate how tough it can be, even for a loving parent. There are times when pulling all your hair out is not good enough to deal with the kids. I have enormous respect for those stay-home moms/dads.

Such was the reason why I prefer group daycare. There is additional help and oversight, of more than one adults to cope with situations. The kids could learn discipline (eg. sit and eat by themselves) and order well.

Perhaps, if good group daycare has been available, this child's life could have been spared. Perhaps...